I haven’t been expressing myself “in public” for a long while now. It’s as if the need to share insights has been replaced by just allowing them to be, without the necessity to translate them into words, tweets and blog posts.
But then again, I love connecting, I love communicating, I love relating, I love the way words becomes bridges and channels and wonderful toys and tools in friendships (close or distant) and in other personal relationships such as those that can be created through the new Awakening coaching page .

Yet, creating spaces and places and channels for such communication (like in the form of websites and newsletters for example) appears to have its own “complications”. Because, when creating them I tend to get so absorbed by the technical aspects of it that I kind of move away from simple presence – and in this way from the joy, the love, the freedom that can be felt here and now. And then I notice a sense of emptiness, of not-fulfillment, of something missing. Not because anything is really missing but because in that moment I am out of touch with it. I am missing myself and I am missing the point.
So it’s like a cosmic joke: In my eagerness to create connections and communication I find myself disconnected.
Likewise – and that’s the other cosmic joke – the direct, proactive attempts to connect mostly don’t bring the results I imagine!
I mean, even if from one perspective I don’t imagine anything, another part of me feels that what I do is so interesting that a very positive response from “outside” becomes a natural part of the picture. But then, it’s just a picture.
In reality what unfolds doesn’t unfold according to my pictures, feelings or reasons. I guess I could say it unfolds according to my journey but to me it’s sufficient to say that it unfolds in its own ways, ways that I have stopped analyzing quite a while ago. I cannot know why and I don’t need to know why.
All I know is what I experience, internally and “externally”. And what I experience on my personal journey is that most connections, most flow, come unexpected, as a surprise, without me taking the initiative. All I really need to do is respond. That’s easy – except when I make it “difficult” for myself and become proactive and then experience myself as “unsuccessful after all, again”. And then it’s time for magic!
Because, where I am right now, whatever state I experience becomes an opportunity to contemplate it as such, wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Contemplate means: feel it, sense, be with it, embrace it, exactly as is. Interestingly, as soon as I in this way just allow these emotional (or physical, or mental) states to be, and fully open up to them, I’m back in the here and now! I’m back in joy and amazement and love and appreciation of these states and of myself, I’m back in the mind-blowing perfection of this moment. I’m beyond success and failure, I’m beyond missing myself or anything, I’m in the abundant reality of this moment.
And then, out of the blue, when I least expect it, there is an impulse to communicate again.
So this I do, here, reaching out to you as to myself, connecting and re-connecting.

If you like this post, be sure to subscribe by email or by RSS