Many years ago, I came to a place on my spiritual journey that you could call the dark night of the soul. Even if it was me buried in darkness, not my soul at all. 🙂
It wasn’t depression, it wasn’t loneliness, it wasn’t despair or anything like that. It was an experience of being in darkness without a light, without a compass, without any sense of direction whatsoever.
You could call it disillusionment of a kind, a need to ditch absolutely everything I ever learned about the true nature of things. And then to find the real thing.
No spiritual dogma, belief, theory, practice could be trusted. My spiritual foundation (and with that the very meaning of my life) had fallen apart, had dissolved.
The only thing I was certain about was that there was nothing and no one in the outside world that could help me find my way again. Not even the most enlightened teachers or books could show me the truth. How would I even know if it was true or not?
And truth was what I needed. Truth as such, the truth that you can depend on and base your life on, no matter what.
In short, I was desperate for light and there was none to be found. And so all I could do was surrender to darkness.
As I did, and without expecting anything at all, at some point (was it hours? days? I don’t recall), I had a sudden glimpse of deep in-sight. An almost wordless glimpse of light, you could say. And then another glimpse, and another.
These glimpses were born from such a deep place and were so fragile at the same time, that I wasn’t quite sure whether I have finally found my inner, living truth or whether I was just making it all up.
Maybe it was that fear of losing my sanity that made me reach out for a book after all. It was “A Thousand Names for Joy” by Byron Katie.
At that point I was familiar with The Work (which never quite worked for me, and still doesn’t), but this book was different. Reading small bits and pieces there I found – and what a strange experience that was – the exact words for the truth that I had just experienced within.
If I was going insane then at least there were two of us. And there was nothing about Byron Katie that seemed insane.
She didn’t teach me anything and I know she didn’t attempt to either. But her words gave me some sort of reassurance, and just enough courage to stick to the truth that I had found within and to build on that. This truth of mine has been my solid, evolving foundation ever since. I share it gladly. I know I can trust it.
Now, I’m not like Byron Katie at all. I’m like most of us extraordinary ordinary humans. I have my share of limitations, insecurities, imbalances, forgetfulness… you name it and I can find it in me for sure. I imagine that this is quite true for you too. 🙂
But that doesn’t change the fact that truth and joy and love and light flow through us and want to be expressed and shared as fully as we will let them!
That’s all there is to our “job” as Lightworkers. To be who we are, to be a loving, living, joyful, imperfect reminder of our truth. 🙂
If you want to explore how I can support your unfoldment as your living truth, check out current Lightworker offers here.