I was asked to write about my life as a journey of a Lightworker. What an assignment… how do you compress your life into one page? And where do you start?
The answer came the other day. I had a beautifully easy and yet deeply transformative experience, working with my go-to coach, Frances. Lately, our conversations have evolved around confidence, as at this stage of my version of the journey of a Lightworker committing to a very big project, there is an urgent need to address anything that might come into the way of the work.
Anyhow, as our conversation was coming to a happy end, I felt such an immense sense of gratitude, not only for this particular process, but for my entire life… Who would have thought it would turn out this way?
It has not been the easiest journey a human can experience, to say the least. That’s true for most Lightworkers, I believe.
I have a sense (and my mother has confirmed it in a way) that my first months on Earth were lived in pure bliss – a constant state of love overflowing my heart and my world from within. It didn’t last long. Instead, life started to happen, the way it does and must.
I was blessed with loving and highly idealistic parents. And also parents that were deeply traumatized by experiences that they shared with so many other Jews during and also after world war II. They and with them our small family and I lived in a space of unresolved fear and grief and, as a result, some dysfunctional behavior. Being the sensitive soul that I was, in spite of my natural tendency towards joy and love, it affected me deeply.
Since I was a little girl, wherever there was suffering and injustice, I reacted, strongly. With sorrow or with anger, and sometimes both. I couldn’t not react. Can you relate?
It didn’t make things any easier when we moved to another country (when I was 7 and 16 respectively). It meant losing everything: friends, language, identity, a sense of belonging and eventually my naturally joyful and trusting personality.
And so, even if I embarked on a personal and spiritual growth journey early (at age 18), and even if that was a tremendous help in many ways, even if I did have some friends and some lovers along the way, and even if I had my creativity, my spiritual practice and work, waves of utmost loneliness have been part of my life until my early 40s.
At that point – after yet another instance of broken heart and during yet another wave of deep despair– it finally dawned on me:
My life apparently wasn’t going to bring me the love that my heart yearned for. And since I couldn’t live without love (who can?), there was only one thing for me to do – to love myself instead. In mid-90s this was quite a lonely discovery, actually. The internet was still very new (I did not even have a computer) and the self-love awareness that we have today was nowhere to be seen.
Lonely as it may have been, the realization changed my life forever. As I somehow learned to find love within and eventually and literally fell in love with myself, everything in my life transformed.
Within a few months I met a soul-mate, my creative and spiritual work began to unfold in new ways entirely, and I found myself living with a sense of joy and fulfillment that I didn’t even know was possible.
By then my role as coach/teacher/healer started has been unfolding for 10 years or so, but now many more people started to reach out to me for help and advice – typically people that have been on a spiritual journey for a while and felt lost and stuck nevertheless.
That said, I neither called nor saw myself as a Lightworker. When I encountered the term first time, many years ago, it seemed like something overly esoteric, and I couldn’t relate to it at all. As engaged as I am in spirituality, I’m also a very down to Earth person in a sense. I resonate with grounded, loving, joyful clarity. Complex esoteric theories – not so much.
It is the irony and sweetness of life that it will take us where we need to be, whether we may think we resonate or not. And so the day came (or rather weeks and months) when I was taken on yet another deep journey and was given a process and teaching that I ended up calling… the Lightworker Manual. Fortunately, by then I had grown a different relationship or awareness of what a Lightworker is and what we’re here for.
And that brings me to an important question:
How can I support you on your journey of a Lightworker – and your journey as such?
The answer to that question is work in progress, in the most literal sense. Or maybe works in progress, as there are more than one ways. Take a look below, and see what speaks to you.